I wake up in the morning.

If I’m not in a rush because I’ve overslept, I’m picking up my phone and checking my last texts. On some days I’m bombarded, on other days I wonder if I still have friends. With connections on many coasts, the potential for interaction from any timezone is inevitable, even enticing. When I’m attempting to shut my brain down or waiting for someone to reply, I may even subconsciously get up in the middle of the night opening a window of opportunity that should be closed at 4 am. Knowing that I have trouble hearing my alarm amplifies this problem because my body can’t tell the difference between 5am and 10 am. Let me reach for the cellular aka clock and triple check those bajillion alarms. 8:35, 8:36, 8:37. We’re all good, just in case I fall back asleep.

In those 7-8 hours MIA from the world, I have a feeling that I’ve missed something radically important. Let’s move to Facebook, maybe more like Facehook, because it will make you put your book down. Curious about those red notifications, I open them to find those dang requests for games I don’t even play, thanks 8 ball pool or Candy Crush. Now, I’m calming the adrenaline rush that warped it’s way through my body in anticipation of viral attention. Scroll through Instagram. Snapchat. Repeat. And if I still had the Twitter app on my phone, I would do the same. What’s my brother retweeting this time? And wow, the brother from that fraternity looks good. Repeat. Before I know it, I’m sucked into my newsfeeds and followers’ lives. I’ve ended up on my friend’s mom’s dog’s best friend’s page, and I’m locked in like this #finnabeabreeze (reference: all credit to @hahadavis) thinking I can LOGOFF at any time.

“Olivia, it’s 8:30, how much information did you consume?” Well, I found out about another Rob Kardashian/Blac Chyna fight, covfefe tweets, and what someone’s cousin wore to prom. In the back of my mind, I know I will need the space to deal with humans in real time (irl), and if anything this has made me less equipped. I’m grouchy and not in tune with my own emotions, but absorbed in the emotions from an article here, a comparison to the flawless makeup tutorial over there.

I brush my teeth, wash my face, get dressed, gel down coarse eyebrow hair, bobby pin strands of curls on my head. Scramble for breakfast, but no scrambled eggs–that takes too long. Once I’m warmed up, I’ll go throughout the day in spurts of positivity and bursts of motivation.  I’ll fall hard when I’m annoyed and will need a reboot, but move on like a robot to keep up with the pace of the city.

This is the average day when I’m on a schedule for school or an internship. Don’t get me started on breaks or “vacations.”

Romans 12:2  (NIV) Do not conform to the pattern of this world, but be transformed by the renewing of your mind. Then you will be able to test and approve what God’s will is—his good, pleasing and perfect will.

Okay God, I get it. The day begins with the social media scene, mocks me in the middle with a petty interaction, digs up old patterns I thought I had overcome, and ends with the final curtain call: social media. If I don’t stop and process–which usually includes writing, meditating and praying, talking to the four people in my life designated as my go-tos–I will crash and burn at the end of the week like my high school calculus teacher used to warn us about triangles or whatever one learns in calculus. That same burn seeps into my eyeballs in a darkly lit room while my brain uses Instagram to configure a genealogy of the Bob Marley family. Yes I did that, and I thoroughly enjoyed researching this important topic.

Information overload.

The scripts from ads on TV, YouTube, and the people around me don’t always help either. The movie I watched the night before tells me that beauty comes in a specific package. Like the packages of perm we used to buy to keep my hair silky and straight. Bruno Mars made a song about that right? If college is for getting a job and acquiring more dollars, then of course, I’ll be side-eyed for the degree I’m completing in social work. The number of credentials appearing before your name i.e. Dr. or MSW make you superior. The same appearing before your name, Mrs.OohWhoWillItBe, means you are chosen. Consider being bad and boujee (Migos), humble (Kendrick), lovin’ in the clubbing (Usher) all at the same time. While we’re at it, wish you were one of Beyoncé’s twins. Keep it filtered, tight, politically correct. These messages enter my mind, enter my body and the way I carry myself, finally, to my heart.

I search for answers about who I am. I want to know more about my history, what draws me to certain relationships, and how to keep my mountaintop experiences from dwindling into the mundane rhythm I see others dance. But I fall into the same traps.

Romans 12:2  (NIV) Do not conform to the pattern of this world, but be transformed by the renewing of your mind. Then you will be able to test and approve what God’s will is—his good, pleasing and perfect will.

So I follow Jesus and it’s supposed to set me apart. I’ve examined myself, and I too want to audition for a Full(er) House life with Him.

An actor/actress receives a script. memorize, memorize, memorize. It’s what they do until the words flow naturally and are even enhanced by facial expressions, emotions, tones, and actions. At a certain point, they won’t even need to look at their character’s lines because they’ve embodied them.

Christians can be some of the best actors you’ll ever meet. We might be found saying “Let go, and let God” or other abstract concepts like “Jesus, take the wheel” to describe how we are doing. How often do we offer up the driver’s seat? You don’t need to know that detail. Underneath the mask of religion, you will encounter some of the same fundamental temptations clinging to various idols. 

I’m so grateful then for the powerful examples of Christians and non-Christians alike who live differently and don’t conform to permeating culture. For those followers of Jesus, however, I’ve watched Script formation happen in reverse–it enters their hearts, their souls, their minds, their bodies, until it literally transforms them. It’s not a lifestyle or a set of rigid traditions, it is vibrant, curious, and obedient. They begin to look like the Script itself.

Romans 12:2  (NIV) Do not conform to the pattern of this world, but be transformed by the renewing of your mind. Then you will be able to test and approve what God’s will is—his good, pleasing and perfect will.

Everyday, I must consciously choose to believe the words God says about me because I am human. I find His truth in worship, in saying and receiving affirmations, I do this in asking Him questions and awaiting His response. I do this by literally getting on my knees and surrendering control.

When I go to the Bible, I let these words wash over me as I learn from examples of victories and failures; of ordinary people who meet an Extraordinary God. His Word does not lead to suppression, but freedom. I am grounded in His truth, instead of any lies that whisper to me that I am not good enough.

And it’s that same freedom that I want for everyone bound by the notion that a shiny car, sex whenever you want it, and stacks on stacks to be worthy of love and attention. Because when all of that is stripped away, who are you, really? Your whole life can’t be contained in a social media profile, and you cannot possibly be the product of a Lexus. Processing this with my brother who has received offers to play Division I college football from some of the top schools looks like asking, “Which came first, your football career, or you?” If you get injured too badly to play, it’s over. What if you played knowing you were intelligent, useful, and productive beyond your physical abilities? Then, your life wouldn’t be over if football is and you could enjoy it as an extension of your hard work.

I know this is all very idealistic and hopeful, but some of the most sincere people I’ve met have had nothing and their examples have taught me to face myself. We settle for less when His Script actually gives more life.

Does this mean I hate social media or mainstream music? No, the opposite actually. I want to keep getting those random texts from friends with memes and videos. I want to lose time stalking someone’s profile every once in a while. I need to stay connected to current events and the status of people’s lives. It has served as an organizing center and a community builder. I will take a selfie with that plantain burger and don’t you “those milennials” me. We out here killin’ the game. But if those phantom vibrations that keep my hands glued to my phone were all that I had to live for then forget it, those options are unfulfilling and empty. I still listen to “Waffle House” by Travis Porter which literally turns a woman’s body into a waffle house food experience because that beat though. And when Dorrough’s “Get Big” comes on and he raps “you don’t got enough money” hold up I can’t control my shoulders. Sadly, I am not only conscious that I don’t want these lyrics to sink in, but I don’t want to contribute to how women are dehumanized. As momma used to tell us,  “garbage in, garbage out.” 

My inner life with Jesus should be a reflection of how I act when the doors are closed, speak, and treat others. But I can’t maintain this Script alone. Here’s what it looks like practically: When I fear missing out as I view a Snapchat story, the Script says “Sit down. You have been blessed with resources to travel and try new things. Let people have their own moments. You have no idea what goes on behind the scenes of someone’s life.” When it seems like I’ve messed up with a friend, the Script says, “Check in with them and be bold. You are not a terrible person and they don’t love you any less.” I will forget to be gentle with myself and an inner dialogue tries to talk me into how easy it would be to have different hair or skin, but the Script says, “Naw, you are the daughter of the Most High King who became flesh and literally died so that you can give the grace you already received for free.” Let’s get more real, that post didn’t get the likes I thought it would, the Script says, “I am captivated by you.” It’s this consistency that will sustain, whereas beauty standards and hashtags are always changing. If we knew we were affirmed before we stepped out into the world, we wouldn’t waste all of our energy running to prove ourselves or seek for others to fill voids they weren’t built to fix. I’m not only editing my scripts, but I’m scrapping them for truth.

Romans 12:2  (NIV) Do not conform to the pattern of this world, but be transformed by the renewing of your mind. Then you will be able to test and approve what God’s will is—his good, pleasing and perfect will.

I wake up in the morning. I roll over and before I touch that phone I list what I’m grateful for and stretch out my tight bones. I reflect on a piece of Scripture. I ask God to help me as I prepare to resist the ways of the world. I bless the day and breathe deeply. I come back to this day & night, and when I catch myself slipping in between. I proceed to the next Act…

This the average day when I’m intentional. It doesn’t suck the life out of me leaving me dry like the Mojave desert, in fact, it ensures that my source is a cup overflowing.

Inspired by Casey J.’s song- “Journal”